My Real-Life Conversation with God…

This isn’t the prettiest of posts, but it is ripped word for word from the pages of my journal. It’s just me being honest with you and sharing a conversation I had with Him. (Please know going into this, He heard my cries and answered my prayers.)

If you take one thing away from this post, I pray you realize that this journey is not always easy, but God is ALWAYS good. In real life, are prayers are not always pretty and flowery, and spoken in beautiful Christianese; but spoken out of a broken heart in need of healing. He is faithful to hear us. He is faithful to answer the cries of our hearts.

So here we go…

My real-life conversation with God…

‘God… You are good, but I am not. I’m not well God – spiritually, emotionally, physically. I’m not well God.’

“Come to the Well”, I heard Him say.

‘But God…’ my heart responds.

“Come to the Well to get well.” He says.

‘I’m coming LORD.’ I reply.

(Then I wander off…..)

***Please join me over here for the rest of this conversation with the Lord. I pray it blesses you and encourages you to be honest with Him, even if it’s not the prettiest of conversations.***

There’s no duct tape in heaven…

There’s no duct tape in Heaven…

Yep! I went there. This may disappoint some of you who think duct tape is a gift from God, but when I’m finished telling you why, you’ll see my point.

Yesterday was an incredible day at church.

I worshipped Him – He loved me back.
I sang songs of praise to Him – He sang songs of victory over me. (Psa 32)
I asked Him to prune off all branches in me that were dead or dying – I asked Him to remove anything that was killing me.

He responded with visions of His handiwork.

(Oh how I wish I could draw you a picture of what I saw in my mind. It was so funny looking, it had me laughing out loud at the altar.)

Here’s the gist of it… I asked Him to prune me and what I saw was a wonky shaped stick figure with one eye, one ear, and one arm cut off. I laughed at the Lord because only He can take what looked like a cartoon drawing, and make a beautiful point out of it.

I thanked Him for the visual, and continued to worship Him.

But then…


Please join me over here as I share the rest of my vision and thoughts on this. While you’re there, I would love for you to sign up to receive my posts by email, as it won’t be long before I post solely over there.

I am … the Testimony of Jesus

Repeat after me… “I am, the testimony of Jesus.”


Did you say it? Did you mean it? Do you even understand it? It took me a while, but I finally got it. Let me see if I can explain it.

Revelation 19.10 says that the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. What does that mean? It means that when we testify to what the Lord has done in our lives, we are prophesying into others lives what Jesus can do, wants to do, and will do in their lives.

Make sense?

Then I realized that the entire bible is the testimony of Jesus. 66 books that tell us what He has done, wants to do, and will do for those who hear the Truth.

We know that Jesus healed all who came to Him – because someone testified.
We know that Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead – because someone testified.
We know that He died, rose again, and is coming back – all because someone testified.

We know of the present and future hope we have this side of heaven, all because someone testified.

What does that mean for us?

I would love for you to hear the rest of my thoughts on this over at my home page.  See you there!


Searching for God – In Real Life

Searching for God – In Real Life

‘Where can I go from Your Spirit?’ No where.
‘Where can I flee from Your Presence?’ No where.

***Warning! This is not the warm fuzzy post you may be expecting. This is ‘the real me’ sharing how I really feel. ***

(This is how today started. By me posting a picture on Instagram with the following quip about how I REALLY feel.)


“Some of you may find comfort in these words.
Someone may need the reminder that He’s always there.
But if I can be honest with you – that’s not me today.

I WANT to hide – I WANT to flee. I WANT to find rest in the dark, and hide from the Light.

This ‘real life’ has become a bit more than I can bear. This ‘real life’ has robbed me of the joy this New Beginning was to bring.

Instead of this new life being full of Divine Appointments, it seems to be full of nothing but demonic disappointment.
And that’s the revelation I had today – I’m disappointed with myself, and I’m disappointed with God.
Where do I go from here? HOW do I go from here?”

Searching for God – In Real Life

Can I be honest here? I’m a little tired of being a poser! Yeah, I said it – I’m a poser.

I post these cute little (perfectly posed) pictures of my so-called blessed life.
I send texts of encouragement from a discouraged soul.
I send forth the Light from the darkest of places.

I speak a language I long to hear – I speak of love I long to feel.

Real life is hard. Things don’t always go as planned. Though I desire nothing more than to live in the Perfect Will of God – I suffer the effects of the free will of others. Some of my sufferings are self-inflicted – some are the results of the fallen-world syndrome. Some I have control over – some I can only ask for Grace to endure.

But the moral of the story is…

I’m tired. I’m tired of editing my posts, posing my bible, and drafting words of encouragement from feelings of despair.

In Real Life, we can transition from a beautiful love story to a horror movie in about .0009 nano-seconds, and that’s not easy to bear.

Though I know that the Lord provides hope in and for all situations, it’s not always apparent to the naked eye. But even though I am a little war-torn right now, I will continue to search for it, and I will bring you what I find.

I will continue searching for God in real life, in hopes of one day reconciling the beauty of His Truth with the ugliness of my emotions. I wish I could say to you that everything I feel lines up with biblical truth – but I can’t. All I can tell you is that every ugly emotion I have has been felt by someone in the bible. And that means there is hope for me yet.

The bible is filled with 66 books of love and hope – but it’s also filled with stories of despair, discouragement, deceit, and disillusionment. If the bible told us only the stories of good times and grace filled lives; we would never know of His Presence in the hard and horrific times. He is faithful, even when we’re not, and I pray that my words, though not always poetic and poised, reveal the Promise of His Presence and the Sufficiency of His Grace.

It’s Time I Speak His Words, not Mine

His Words, not Mine

Last Thursday, I had the incredible opportunity to share a little bit about my story on ‘My Journey of Faith’ on Blog Talk Radio. At first I was nervous, but then I remembered that I wasn’t telling my story essentially, I was telling His Story.

You see, my past WAS all about me; but now my past, present and future are all about Him. I wouldn’t have a story to tell without Him. I wouldn’t have a past without Him. Because of Him, I survived my past, and now all I want to do is share my heart.

I have a tendency to over complicate things sometimes. I think in a very formulaic way – if this then that. If I say this – they will say that. If I write this – they will hear that. But in the end, I just create a jumbled mess of words that tend to share what I want people to see, instead of sharing the truth of the heart behind the writer.

Today that changes.

I have wasted so much time trying to figure out ways to please people – trying to figure out ways to please God. He tells me to write – so I write. Yet what He has told me to share is what He has done in my life. Never once did He say ‘Get creative and try to appeal to a large amount of people.” No, He never said that. He told me to share the story of what He has done, what He is doing, and what He wants to do in the lives of myself and others. He has laid many scriptures on my heart that remind me to testify to His greatness. Never once did He ask me to pretend to be a writer.

He has placed many a word in my heart and from here on out I promise to share only that. I promise to be authentic with you whether its the beautiful side of me or the not-so-pretty side of me. I promise to deliver the messages that He lays on my heart to share. Whether it’s here on the blog, or in a video blessing (yeah, that makes me nervous). I have conceded my ideas of what this ministry should look like and have decided that He knows more than me.

I am not here to share my words, but His Words. And I pray that the meditations of my heart be pleasing not just in your eyes, but in His.

If you would like to hear my very first radio interview, I would love for you to check out this link. It’s about a 30 minute interview that covers just a little bit of my story and my prayers for the effects of my words. If you get a chance to listen, I would love to hear what you think.

Love to you and many blessings upon you,


I am Mary Magdalene – pt. 4 – Delivering the Message

I am Mary Magdalene – Delivering the Message

Here it is – Part 4 of the I am Mary Magdalene series.  I pray it blesses and encourages you.

For the last 2 weeks, I have been sharing with you the ways in which I am Mary Magdalene.

I am Mary Magdalene – delivered from demons.
I am Mary Magdalene – at the Cross.
I am Mary Magdalene – weeping at the tomb.

I am Mary Magdalene – delivering the message that He has risen.

After Jesus rose from the dead early on Sunday morning,
the first person who saw Him was Mary Magdalene,
the woman from whom he had cast out seven demons.
She went to the disciples, who were grieving and weeping, and told them what had happened.
But when she told them that Jesus was alive and she had seen Him, they didn’t believe her.
Mark 16.9-11 NLT

And that’s it – that’s why I am here. To deliver the message that the Son of God who was crucified – died – and then was buried – has Risen.

He is alive and the tomb is empty!  

I could go on all day about this – but again, this is a blog and not a book. So let me get to the point.

I am Mary Magdalene – I was delivered from demons and I have witnessed (in my mind) the crucifixion of Christ. I’ve wept at the empty tomb, wondering where they have taken my Savior. He has called my name – we have spoken – and now I am delivering His message of Resurrection and Hope.

Read More…



I hope you will join me over here for the rest of this story. This is part 4 of a 4 part series where I will be sharing the reasons I fully embrace my life as a modern day Mary Magdalene. Once your there, I hope you sign up to receive my posts directly in your email, as I will be doing most of my posting over there now.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me here, and I look  forward to seeing you there!

Janee White

I am Mary Magdalene Pt. 3

I am Mary Magdalene – Part 3

Weeping at the Empty Tomb

This past easter, I chose to walk the path of Mary Magdalene, the same Mary that was delivered from 7 demons. On Good Friday, I allowed myself to feel what she might have felt watching her Savior crucified. Though I have never witnessed something like that, the runnings of my imagination were enough to bring me to tears.

Come Saturday, I woke to the agony of knowing my Savior was dead -He was gone. The miracle I had hoped for at the cross didn’t happen. He died on that Cross and was buried in the tomb of a fellow follower. He was dead and any hope I had for the future was lost with the Life that ended the day before.

I forced myself to spend the day without pondering the Miracle we all know happened. I spent the entire day mourning the death of my Prophet, my Priest and my King. But with the dawn of the very next day, over 2000 years ago, Mary rose and went straight to the tomb. With spices in her hand to anoint her friend, she arrived to find a big surprise.

The stone had been rolled away – the tomb was empty – and for all she knew, His body had been stolen.

Read More…


I hope you will join me over here for the rest of this story. This is part 3 of a 4 part series where I will be sharing the reasons I fully embrace my life as a modern day Mary Magdalene. Once your there, I hope you sign up to receive my posts directly in your email, as I am doing most of my posting over there now.

I look forward to seeing you there!

Janee White